Lampard, Tevez, Alex and Motta all sign for PSG. Or not.

If Milan don't sign me I'm gonna open a big magic can of whoop-ass 

Seven days left of the transfer window means seven more days of shit stories about players we won't sign. Like Frank Lampard.

Until January 31, or a signing is made, the name C*rl*s T*v*z is banned from this blog. I'm taking a leaf out of Harry Potter's book and instead referring to him as He Who Must Not Be Named. The Dark Lord has been speaking in the Argentinian media to reiterate his desire to join AC Milan, not PSG: "I see myself only in the red and black shirt, I am hoping for Milan," he said.

One perplexing transfer that does appear to be happening is that of Chelsea's Alex who, according to sources on both sides of the channel, will finalise a €5million move to PSG this week. I quite like Alex, but it seems completely unnecessary to be bringing in another centre half when we have quality players like Sakho, Lugano, and Bisevac, plus Zoumana Camara, who has arguably been our most consistent defender this season.

Le Parisien moots that it's a signing with an eye on 2012/13 and our participation in the Champions League, and it's true that our current crop of defenders lack experience in Europe's premier competition. But I wonder whether the club are preparing to cut their losses on Lugano, who has struggled since his arrival from Fenerbache but would no doubt still have plenty of suitors on this continent and in South America.

Meanwhile Inter midfielder Thiago Motta fancies one last pay-day a move to Paris. Asked about his future at the San Siro, the 29-year-old, who has been linked with a switch to Parc des Princes throughout the transfer window, said: "I spoke with the [Inter] president and the club, we clarified a lot of things, now we have to see.

"Paris is a great city, there's still eight days until the end of the transfer market. Anything can happen."

Anything can indeed happen, though given PSG's record in the transfer market so far, there's no guarantee it will.