Transfer deadline day fun and games

Much like Justin Bieber, January's transfer deadline day is a triumph of hype over substance. Rarely do big moves happen on January 31, but that doesn't stop Sky Sports News going into overdrive in the hope that they might get a repeat of last year's Fernando Torres/Andy Carroll merry-go-round. Presumably it's the same in France, there must be a Gallic version of Jim White getting ready for a busy day on Infosport or one of the other channels. Any reporters who happen to be lurking around outside the gates of Camp-des-Loges on the look-out for cars with blacked-out windows could be in for a long day, as Paris St Germain seem unlikely to sign anyone. The Thiago Motta trail appears to have gone cold, despite Inter signing a couple of midfielders...

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Brest 0-1 PSG: Notta gotta Motta

Just call me the Parisien Cafu Carlo Ancelotti's unbeaten start as Paris St Germain boss continued on Saturday as the PSG won 1-0 at Brest. Newly converted roving right-back Milan Bisevac got the only goal with a real poachers effort in the sixth minute, his first for the club. I say poachers effort because he didn't appear to know a great deal about it, the ball striking his shin as Christophe Jallet's corner came into the six yard box and rebounding into the net. PSG missed several chances to make their margin of victory greater, with Nene and Kevin Gameiro both in wasteful form, and Matthieu Bodmer hitting the bar with a spectacular angled volley. The fact we couldn't put a mediocre side like Brest away a bit more comfortably is a concern,...

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Ice-cold Alex arrives as PSG prepare for Brest examination

You probably haven't heard of Ezio, a band from my home town who make good music but inexplicably only seem to be famous in Germany. Fear not though, they don't sound like David Hasselhoff, and I reckon they could have an in-road into the French market thanks to Paris St Germain's capture of Chelsea centre-back Alex. One of Ezio's most famous songs is entitled Alex (above), and the refrain would make a perfect terrace chant for our new signing: "Ice cold, ice cold, ice cooooooold, ice cold like Al-ex". I can almost hear the Bolougne Boys singing it as I type this. Costing around £4million, the Brazilian, who counts Santos and PSV Eindhoven among his former clubs, has arrived to join the long list of centre backs at Carlo Ancelotti's disposal. "He has a lot of experience because he played...

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Erding finally exits PSG

After weeks of being linked with all and sundry, PSG have finally completed a striker transfer. The only problem is that it involved a player leaving the Parc des Princes rather than arriving, with Mevlut Erding joining Rennes for €8million. "He's a very special player; he's complete," said Rennes boss Frederic Antonetti, setting an extremely high bar for his new signing. "He makes excellent runs and creates a lot of chances for himself. He just needs to rediscover the confidence he has lost, and get back into his rhythm." So far it's been a good season for Erding. He scored one goal, a late winner against Toulouse, which earned him a new contract and a pay-rise. Since then he's had to do very little to earn his money, aside from the...

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Lampard, Tevez, Alex and Motta all sign for PSG. Or not.

If Milan don't sign me I'm gonna open a big magic can of whoop-ass  Seven days left of the transfer window means seven more days of shit stories about players we won't sign. Like Frank Lampard. Until January 31, or a signing is made, the name C*rl*s T*v*z is banned from this blog. I'm taking a leaf out of Harry Potter's book and instead referring to him as He Who Must Not Be Named. The Dark Lord has been speaking in the Argentinian media to reiterate his desire to join AC Milan, not PSG: "I see myself only in the red and black shirt, I am hoping for Milan," he said. One perplexing transfer that does appear to be happening is that of Chelsea's Alex who, according to sources on both sides of the channel, will finalise a €5million move...

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Sablé 0-4 PSG: Pastore problem mars Parisien progress

"Merde alors, I'm so fed up of hearing about Carlos bloody Tevez" "Despite the score, the Sarthe is happy tonight," declared French Prime Minister Francois Fillon (above), after witnessing PSG ease past Sablé-sur-Sarthe 4-0 in the Coupe de France last night. Good old politicians, they can always be relied on to provide a patronising pat on the head for the little guy when required. Le Mans native Fillon, who started his political career as mayor of Sablé, probably didn't endear himself to the fans of his local club by accepting a PSG shirt from Nasser Al-Khelaifi afterwards. Oh well, at least he'll have scored some browny points with his boss, French president - and noted PSG fan - Nicolas Sarkozy. This game never looked likely to...

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Kombouare speaks!

PSG are back in Coupe de France action tonight when they go to Le Mans to play Sable-sur-Sarthe. I've been to Le Mans and it's an awful place, so I imagine Carletto and the boys will want to get in and out as quickly and painlessly as possible. Sable (literal translation: sand) play in CFA2, and are 12th in the table. Parallels with our previous CdF opponents Locmine then, but hopefully this time we'll do a better job of seeing off the amateurs. Ancelotti has already named his team, and gives a welcome start to Clement Chantome, while restoring Kevin Gameiro to the attack. Lugano is injured and Bodmer suspended. Elsewhere this morning Antonine Kombouare has given his first interview since he was shabbily fired by the PSG before Christmas....

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Tevez transfer tittle-tattle

I'm requesting my agent arranges a transfer from here to there With every passing year the hype surrounding the January transfer window seems to get more and more ridiculous. Twitter is, in my opinion, partly to blame. Now I love Twitter, in fact I struggle to imagine how I used to get through working days before it existed, but sadly it provides a perfect medium for rumours to turn to FACTS. Yesterday, for example, one journalist, Ian McGarry, suggested Eden Hazard was on the verge of completing a move from Lille to Chelsea. This soon took Twitter by storm despite the lack of reportage from any reliable source. As of this morning, Hazard has yet to appear at Stamford Bridge, though there are 13 long days of the window left so there's...

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How do you solve a problem like Gameiro?

We all have our problems to deal with. At the moment I’m trying to find a nice way to tell my mum that I’m not a big fan of the shirt she brought me for Christmas, and that I’d really like the receipt so I can take it back and change it for something I’ll actually wear. If you’ve got any tips of how I might do this then let me know. Carlo Ancelotti has bigger dilemmas to deal, namely what to do with Kevin Gameiro. The 24-year-old has been the top goalscorer in Ligue 1 in each of the last two calendar years, and with nine goals in 17 league games since joining PSG from Lorient in the summer it seems natural he would be one of the manager’s first picks. But the striker was left on the bench for Saturday’s 3-1 win over Toulouse, with Ancelotti...

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PSG 3-1 Toulouse - Ancelotti makes a striking difference

So far so good. Carlo Ancelotti's first league game at the helm of Paris St Germain ended in a 3-1 victory over Toulouse on Saturday night, a result which cements the PSG's position atop Ligue 1. "We started the match a bit timidly but after Nene's goal and during the second half I think we played well with some good counter-attacks and a good attitude displayed by the players," said a happy Carletto afterwards. "All of the players worked really hard. We attacked together and defended together and had numerous chances." The Italian sprung a surprise before kick off, naming a side with no recognised front man. With Kevin Gameiro on the bench ("It was a medical decision, we did not want to take risks," explained Ancelotti) alongside Hoarau, and Erding nowhere to be seen, Jezza...

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Maxwell arrives at PSG as Pato ducks out

Life at PSG these days often feels to me like a Bill Murray film. No, not Lost in Translation (though I suspect that is relevant to this blog on the occasions when Google Translate lets me down) but Groundhog Day. You probably know the story; Murray plays a weatherman who finds himself living out the same day over and over and over again. Because ever since QSI took over at the Parc des Princes, the club seems to have made a habit of jumping the gun when it comes to announcing signings. Rafa Benitez was the new coach, but then he wasn't, David Beckham agreed to join several times, but never actually did, and now Alexander Pato has become the latest man not to sign on at the Parc des Princes. This despite myriad reports yesterday that...

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Maxwell to get a taste of PSG?

The French are, of course, big drinkers of coffee. What better way to eat your croissant than dunked in a giant, steaming, bowl of java? So it should be no surprise that the Parc de Princes could soon be a Maxwell House (sorry) with the arrival of Barcelona’s left-back Maxwell Scherrer Cabelino Andrade, aka Maxwell. The fee involved in securing the services of the former Ajax and Inter Milan player, who has turned out 12 times for Barca this season, is unknown, but apparently the transfer could be completed today. Watch this space. Elsewhere Diego Maradona has taken the title Mr Pot (not the first time Maradona and Pot have been mentioned in the same sentence I’d warrant) and found a kettle to call black. The kettle in question...

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Lugano saves Ancelotti from fiery end

"For a long time Carlo Ancelotti's baptism of fire looked like a journey into hell" notes today's Parisien. But just as the Italian was contemplating a fiery end, up popped the most unlikely of heroes, defender Diego Lugano, to rescue his team - and new boss - from Coupe de France humiliation. The PSG were heading for a 1-1 draw with CFA2 minnows Locminé, with Abou Maiga's penalty having cancelled out Javier Pastore's opener. But in stoppage-time Lugano found space in the box to head home Nene's inviting cross. So PSG were able to celebrate a famous glorious memorable win over a side a mere 160 places below them in the French pyramid (thanks to French Football Weekly for that stat), we're definitely going places. "I'm...

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An Englishman in Paris

Mmm, cheese I’m not sure whether I’ve mentioned on here before that my lovely wife is a Parisien, and though we’ve never lived in France together, I’ve definitely picked up a few Gallic habits. For instance, on New Year’s Eve we had some people round to see in 2012. It was all very civilised until after dinner, when they declared that they wanted dessert before cheese. Normal as it is Britain to do things that way round, it seemed completely alien to me. Cheese should be straight after the main course, preferably accompanied by a bit of left-over baguette, not when you’ve already gorged yourself on ice-cream and chocolate. Honestly, some people. Paul Clement is going to encounter a host of these cultural idiosyncrasies...

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PSG beaten by AC Milan as Ancelotti makes eyes at Pato

As auditions go, Alexander Pato's wasn't too bad. The Brazilian striker back-heeled the only the goal of the game as his current club, AC Milan, beat PSG 1-0 in a friendly in Qatar yesterday. Pato, apparently now the PSG's number one target this transfer window, back-heeled into the net in the first half to settle Carlo Ancelotti's first match in the Red and Blue dug-out. Despite the defeat, there was plenty for Ancelotti to be optimistic about, as his new charges created plenty of goal-scoring opportunities, with Nene to the fore. Carlo spoke to the official club website afterwards, prepare yourself for the blandest set of quotes in the history of journalism: "We played well. I'm very happy because we played some great football out there and that's very positive. "We were up against...

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Moving on from the Beckhams

Artists impression of PSG fans reacting to the Beckham news So, as expected, the Beckham move to PSG isn't happening, boohoo. Reports that the club have set up a helpline to help depressed fans cope with the news, similar to the one that opened when Take That split up, have yet to be confirmed "We're a little disappointed, of course, that he's not coming," said PSG president Nasser al-Khelaifi. "But we agree that it is better for everyone." Better for everyone? Why did you try to sign him in the first place then Nas? The club aren't this set-back get them down, and have launched a double €61million bid for Milan's Alexander Pato and Real Madrid's Kaka. Both players are well-known to Ancelotti from his time in Italy, and would undoubtedly...

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What a way to make a living

With all the festive Bank Holidays over, today is the day when many people across the United Kingdom, myself included, return to their dingy offices to contemplate the depressing winter months ahead. The PSG squad are back at work too, though I have little sympathy for them as they are in the slightly warmer surrounds of Qatar, doing some winter training ahead of their friendly against AC Milan tomorrow. Must be a hard life being a professional footballer, but I'm sure they'll be thinking of me and others doing battle with the elements this morning. Or not. Anyway, Carlo Ancelotti oversaw his first training session yesterday after the squad arrived in Doha. "Cap on head and whistle in mouth, the Italian had the air of Guy Roux [about him],"...

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