Paris Saint-Germain 2012/13 squad review, Twitter-style

As you'll have noticed from the constantly recycled lines and stolen jokes, PSG Tourist is nothing if not unoriginal. So for this end-of-season round-up I've shamelessly pinched an idea I saw on the marvellous Arseblog, and decided to review our players' seasons in the style of Twitter, using 140 characters or less. Hopefully I haven't forgotten anyone, and do let me know if you think I've got any of my ratings hopelessly wrong. Goalkeepers Alphonse Areola: Good hair, little first team action, would probably benefit from going out on loan somewhere #promise. C. Nicolas Douchez: Seems happy to be Chris Woods’ to Sirigu’s Peter Shilton. Our cup specialist should practice penalty saves #shower. B-. Ronan Le Crom: Moment in the spotlight went spectacularly pear-shaped, poor chap....

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Lorient 1-3 PSG: Keeper craziness enlivens final fixture

I'm sure I wasn't the only Paris Saint-Germain fan who wasn't particularly excited by the prospect of last night's game at Lorient. With neither side having anything to play for, I was expecting a dull end-of-season affair, but events in the second half ensured it was actually quite entertaining. Three goals to the good and cruising to victory, Carlo Ancelotti did the decent thing and handed a debut to 38-year-old fourth choice keeper Ronan Le Crom, who came on in place of Alphonse Areola. Le Crom hadn't played a match of note since the end of the 2009/10 season, but looked in fine nick, making a couple of good reaction saves before it all went horribly wrong. With five minutes remaining substitute Julien Quercia raced clear on goal, and...

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Lorient vs PSG: This Carlo's not for turning

Like the recently departed Margaret Thatcher, Paris Saint-Germain boss Carlo Ancelotti is not for turning. Fortunately Ancelotti does not have an army at his disposal (that I know of) to send into a pointless conflict on the other side of the world. And he's not threatening to take anyone's milk. But he is steadfast in his wish to leave PSG at the end of the season. "I have not changed my mind," he said yesterday, after being asked about his future for the umpteenth time. "Things are like last week. I am talking to the club to find a good solution for everyone. But it is not easy. We did not talk about this week, next week we'll talk." A good solution for everyone? Fairly sure that's not going to happen, but Ancelotti insists that if he has to stay in Paris for the remaining year...

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The Rumour Mill: PSG talking Manchester United striker's language?

On Tuesday the French newspaper Liberation published its entire front page in English. The reason for this was purportedly to show support for a bill currently going through the French legislature which would allow French universities to teach some classes in English. But I suspect there could be another explanation, and that it’s all part of a cunning ploy to lure Wayne Rooney to France to sign for Paris Saint-Germain. The words are big enough – and short enough – for Wayno to understand, and there’s a secondary story about sex, a subject close to his heart, especially when old ladies are involved. Anyway, Rooney to PSG actually looks like it may have some legs, after L’Equipe’s report yesterday that we have switched our attentions from Napoli’s Edinson Cavani to the Manchester...

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Getting shirty: PSG's new kit divides opinion

[View the story "Getting shirty" on Stori...

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A weekend in Paris: Ancelotti's exit, Beckham's tears and PSG's title

Those who remember Paris Saint-Germain from the pre-QSI days will know the club has a habit of flitting from one disaster to the next. Though the relegation battles and financial strife of the 2000s are now a thing of the past (we hope), there was something decidedly old-skool about the weekend's events. Because despite the fact that the club was celebrating it's first title win in 19 years, and was officially presented with the trophy before Saturday's 3-1 win over Brest, all the talk since has been about two men who are leaving: Carlo Ancelotti and David Beckham. Ancelotti has been dodging questions about his future for several months, but confirmed the worst-kept secret in French Football - that he wants to bugger off to Real Madrid this summer - to reporters at last night's Ligue...

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Do one Dave: Beckham's retirement is best for both parties

Not content with introducing a new club badge for next season, Paris Saint-Germain will also be taking the radical step of changing the club name. Yes it’s true, from next season David Beckham’s PSG will be reverting to plain old PSG, with the news announced earlier today that the former England skipper will be retiring come the end of the season. Sadly for Joey Barton’s Marseille, such a change seems less likely down south. Good luck with that OM. Boules D’Or will be available for PSG’s last two matches, against Brest on Saturday and at Lorient next weekend, so expect him to be all over any free kick in the vicinity of the opposition half as he looks to end his fairytale career with a goal. In fact, such is the worldwide sycophancy shown towards Beckham that I half expect Lorient’s players...

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PSG: CHAMPIONS OF FRANCE - 24 hours of joy, illness and violence

PARIS SAINT-GERMAIN: LIGUE 1 CHAMPIONS. Ok, so it took 19 years - and the GDP of a small African country - to get there, but PSG are Champions of France once more and boy does it feel good. I'm sure I wasn't the only one walking round with a permanent grin on my face yesterday. To make things even better, Jezza Menezza was hero of the hour as PSG secured a 1-0 win over Lyon on Sunday night to clinch the title and spark wild celebrations at the Stade de Gerland. Thiago Motta won possession in midfield and found Zlatan, who in turn played in Menez. He did the rest with a cool angled finish past OL stopper Lopes. After scoring such an important goal, I'm sure the whole world will see Jezza for the hard-working, dedicated, ego-free team player...

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Thiago Silva "shove-gate": No one takes credit from PSG's Diner de Cons

I don’t really get French films. To me they seem to fall into two categories: arty misery-fests with copious sex, self-harm, and destruction, or stupid comedies set on beaches or camp sites. Falling into the latter category is a particular favourite of my wife’s: Le Diner de Cons. This is literally a film about a group of men who bring the most idiotic people they can find together for a dinner. Hilarious japes ensue. Anyway, so far this week at Paris Saint-Germain has felt a bit like a Diner de Cons, with people queuing up to make themselves look like idiots. Predictably, PSG failed to all-but win the title on Sunday by only managing a 1-1 draw against struggling Valenciennes. In fact it needed Alex’s late header to salvage even a point from the match after Gael Danic had opened the...

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Time to party like it's 1994? Looking back at PSG's last Ligue 1 triumph

Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} Sunday could be the day the inevitable is confirmed and Paris Saint-Germain are crowned Ligue 1 champions. The maths are so simple even the most bone-headed of UKIP...

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