PSG's year in lists: 2012 edition

And so my friends, we come to the end of 2012, another year in which Paris Saint-Germain failed to win any  trophies. Or many friends. Nevertheless, it's been an entertaining 12 months in the French capital, with the arrival of Zlatan and Thiago Silva, a reasonably successful foray into the Champions League, and more crisis' than your average war-torn middle-eastern country. So, without further ado, here's our farewell to 2012, the PSG Tourist end-of-year list. If you have any alternative suggestions, feel free to drop me a line or a tweet. Player of the Year - Blaise Matuidi: After steadily improving throughout the second half of last season, Mr Elastic has been in outstanding form since the new campaign got underway. He's even added...

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The Rumour Mill: Everton left-back and Newcastle striker arriving in PSG's dictionary corner?

Another week, another daft story about Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Having already been nominated for a prestigious literary award earlier this season, Ibra has now been immortalised in the Swedish dictionary, with the addition of the verb "zlataner", meaning to do something with force, or dominate. What next for Zlatan? At this rate I reckon he could become the first footballer to be shot into space. Or perhaps the Swedish government will build a giant monument to him at the mouth of Stockholm harbour, like the Statue of Liberty but with a bigger nose. I'd like to see a few of PSG's out-of-favour players added to the dictionary. A "Siaka Tiene" would be an object/person with no discernible talent or use (e.g. Harry Styles is completely...

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Have a champion Christmas

Paris Saint-Germain claimed Ligue 1's Autumn Champions crown for the second successive year thanks to Friday night's 3-0 win in Brest. Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Kevin Gameiro got the first two goals, before ex-PSG man Bernard Mendy helpfully weighed in with an own goal in the last minute. Victories over the weekend for Lyon and Marseille mean we only lead the table on goal difference, but it's a lead nevertheless, and one can only hope we can hold onto it when the season resumes after the winter break. In the meantime, I'd like to wish all PSG Tourist readers a very merry Christmas, and put together this little festive picture as an early gift for you all. I'm thinking of offering it to the club so that they can use it as their official...

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Brest vs PSG: [insert terrible Brest pun of your choice here]

the first picture that appeared when I typed autumn into Google I don't really get this business of being Autumn Champions. Call me old fashioned, but I'd prefer to be actual champions and, as any cliche-spouting football manager will confirm, no prizes are handed out in December, except meaningless ones like Sports Personality of the Year. What do you get for being autumn champions anyway? Some conkers? A bag of fallen leaves? Bottled smell of bonfire? The French seem to think it's a big deal though. PSG were Autumn Champions last year (for the uninitiated, this title goes to the team topping Ligue 1 going into the winter break), and are likely retain their "crown" with a win in Brest tonight in what is our final game of the first half...

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Nene and Luyindula in the departure lounge, Zlatan in the dock

A wild Luyindula, pictured in it's natural habitat - the bench  Christmas is just around the corner, and people everywhere are hitting the shops to pick up those last minute gifts for their nearest and dearest. The world of football is no exception, with plans being made in earnest for the opening of the January transfer window. Over in the United States, New York Red Bulls will be unwrapping a slightly soiled Peguy Luyindula, after the striker's Paris Saint-Germain contract was cancelled, allowing him to join the MLS side. You may remember that Peg-Leg was frozen out at the Parc-des-Princes after a conflict with former boss Antoine Kombouare, but after threatening to take the club to court was awarded a new contract in the summer. But...

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PSG 1-0 Lyon: Blaise-ing a trail to the top of the Ligue

Big Bad Blaise is coming to get you Blaise Matuidi's first half header was enough to send Paris Saint-Germain back to the top of Ligue 1 after a hard-fought victory over Lyon. It was a match that put the crap in scrappy, with neither side at their flowing best. But PSG's extra star quality told in the end, and victory in our last game before the winter break - against Breast on Friday - is likely to see us crowned autumn champions for a second successive year. I wonder if they'll give us an actual trophy this time? "We lost at Nice, and since then, a lot of things have changed," noted Carletto afterwards. "We've now got a solid team that can do things this season. "Football is sometimes weird: who'd have thought PSG could change attitude...

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PSG's December: the story so far

It's been a while since this blog was last updated. I'd like to say this is because the large team of writers behind PSGT have been living it up in our secluded blogging bunker just off the Champs Elysees, surrounded by booze, coke, and hookers dressed in Jeremy Menez shirts, but the reality is a lot more mundane; I've been busy at work. Anyway, enough with the excuses, here's a quick round-up of what's happened in the crazy world of PSG while we've been away. December 1: Nice 2-1 Paris Saint-Germain The beginning of December meant we were able to crack open this fabulous Kinder advent calendar which my mother-in-law sent over from France. Look at it! What a thing of beauty! Unfortunately PSG's performance against Claude Puel's side...

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Stupid PSG videos of the week: All I want for Christmas is... Zlatan? On a jumper?

Paris Saint-Germain exited the Coupe de la Ligue on penalties on Tuesday night, losing out 5-4 to Saint Etienne after a goalless draw at the Stade Geoffrey Guichard. It was a close match, one which PSG probably should have won, with Zlatan Ibrahimovic missing a couple of chances he would usually put away in his sleep. Ibra also made himself look like a twonk with this overhead kick attempt which didn't quite match up to his effort against England a couple of weeks ago. In fact the words epic and fail come to mind: Poor Zlatan. But he can console himself with the fact that he has been immortalised on a jumper. American artist Lisa Anne Auerbach, who is apparently famous for her jumpers, has knitted Ibra sweater for her exhibition which...

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St Etienne vs PSG: Pastore absent for Coupe de la Ligue showdown

If I could be any Ligue 1 manager, I reckon I'd quite like to be St Etienne's Christophe Galtier. I don't know much about him (he's from Marseille, which is obviously a fairly big downside), but he always strikes me as a pretty cool guy, not least because he looks immaculate on the touchline. Not many people can pull off a puffa jacket in this day and age, but as you can see it looks good on him - sartorially he basically the polar opposite of Elie Baup. Galtier is a decent football manager too, having guided ASSE to third in the Ligue 1 standings, and masterminded a 2-1 win over Paris Saint-Germain at the Parc-des-Princes earlier this month. The two sides meet again tonight at the Stade Geoffrey-Guichard, with a place in the Coupe de la...

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PSG topple Troyes thanks to Zlatan's four-play and a tale of two left-backs

I never fail to be amused by some of the keywords which cause people to land on this blog. Common ones include "Lavezzi body" (you're all perverts), "Kosovare Asllani hot" (see point one) and, bizarrely, "Justin Bieber crying". The Bieber has never featured on PSGT, crying or otherwise, and never will if I have anything to do with it. But my favourite one remains "Zlatan gets boner nose still bigger". Quite what caused someone to enter this into a search engine I have no idea - it's not question I've ever asked myself before - but I hope their curiosity was at least partially satisfied by this pictorial evidence. Whatever the size of his manhood, Ibra's form on the pitch remains pretty sexy. He did his best to contradict those of us...

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Dynamo Kiev 0-2 PSG: El Poccho pockets pair as PSG progress to the Champions League last-16

Crisis? What crisis. Paris Saint-Germain booked their place in the last-16 of the Champions League with a comfortable 2-0 win over Dynamo Kiev, Ezequiel Lavezzi netting both goals. "You would probably describe PSG as dangerous floaters in the draw" noted the commentator on my stream, seemingly without any hint of irony. In fairness, anyone who has seen us at times this season would confirm we're more than capable of serving up some right old shit. Opponents Dynamo Kiev were pretty merde themselves, but at least gave it a better go than when we whooped them 4-1 at the Parc-des-Princes back in September. In fact they probably had the upper hand in a fairly low-key first half: Salvatore Sirigu had to be alert to save twice to deny Oleh...

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Panic on the streets of the Paris as PSG travel to Kiev

Ever hoped that if you ignore something it will go away? For the last couple of years I've been keeping my fingers crossed that Britain's coalition government is a figment plucked from the murky depths of my imagination. Each day I wake up in the hope that the country isn't being run into the ground by a bunch of dithering, right-wing, chinless wonders, and each day I'm left disappointed. Similarly, I've been steadfastly blocking out the events at the Parc-des-Princes on Saturday evening, but having checked Ligue1.com it turns out Paris Saint-Germain actually did lose 2-1 to nine-man Rennes. I've got a few things I want to say because I've read some absolute merde on Twitter and various websites about this game, and PSG's form in general....

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International round-up: England get Zlatan-ised, France get energised

"People will still maintain he isn't world class (...) the goal wasn't that special, I see better goals than that every week". A couple of the quotes I woke up to on radio station talkSPORT this morning, who were discussing Zlatan Ibrahimovic's wonder-strike - his fourth goal of the game - against England. You can watch it below, I'd advise doing so again. And again. And again. It's beautiful and, contrary to Alan Brazil's opinion, I think it's unlikely you'll see any better goals this week. Now, some might say I get what I deserve for listening to talkSPORT (for those not familiar, it's aural equivalent of listening to two half-cut pub bores discussing the Premier League 24 hours a day), but this is indicative of the dismissive attitude shown by the English towards Ibra. Come on Britain,...

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Stupid PSG picture(s) of the week: A mincing Menez and a masked Nene

PSG Tourist has been on sabbatical for the last couple of weeks, so this is the first chance we've had to congratulate Jeremy Menez on the birth of his daughter. You may remember that earlier this year we exclusively (exclusively in the sense that no-one else in England cared) brought you the news that Jezza and his missus, scary-looking reality TV star Emilie Nefnaf, were expecting, and little Maëlla Menez was born last Thursday. Congrats to the family, no doubt we'll see Maëlla skipping down the wing - and falling over - for PSG ladies in a few years time. Caring for a new-born child is a tough time in anyone's life, and perhaps it was a lack of sleep that led to Jezza wearing this strange looking tracksuit as he joined up with the French...

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PSG 2-0 Marseille: PSG's fanni-tastic run continues (with a little help from the ref)

In the past I may have been less than complimentary about the referees in Ligue 1, but I think I've finally found one I like. Antony Gautier, you and your bald head are welcome back at the Parc-des-Princes any time as far as I'm concerned. It was Gautier's controversial decision to dismiss Rod Fanni that set Paris Saint-Germain on the way to a comfortable victory over Marseille in last night's Coupe de la Ligue last-16 clash. It should be be said that prior to Mssr Gautier's intervention, PSG were already well on top in the match. Carlo Ancelotti made seven changes, including first starts of the season for Guillaume Hoarau and Zoumana Camara, and saw his side begin the match with an intensity which has perhaps been lacking in recent matches. Javier...

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Who can halt the PSG express?

It's been a good week for Paris Saint-Germain. Saturday's slightly-shaky-but-we'll-take-it-anyway 1-0 victory over Stade de Reims sent us top of the Ligue 1 table, a position in which we remain thanks to erstwhile league leaders Marseille succumbing 1-0 to Troyes on Sunday night. Then in midweek the team managed to remove a large monkey from their collective back by claiming an away win in Europe at the 11th time of asking, Zlatan and Jezza Menezza finding the net in a 2-0 Champions League triumph over Dynamo Zagreb. We'll talk about Europe some other time, because this weekend the focus returns to domestic matters, with an away trip to bottom-of-the-table Nancy in prospect. By half-time in Saturday's game we'll be a quarter of the way...

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The Rumour Mill: Chelsea defender reports resurface as Carlo courts Roma midfielder

De Rossi does his famous "levitating football" party trick The absence of club football over the last couple of weeks has left unimaginative journalists and bloggers with a lot of time on their hands and a lot of space to fill. This usually results in Paris Saint-Germain being linked with at least one disgruntled player from either AC Milan or Chelsea. A lot of the rules from PSG window bingo can be applied in international breaks too, cards and markers at the ready. The wearyingly predictable story this week concerned a possible January swoop of the FA's favourite left-back, Chelsea's soon-to-be-out-of-contract Ashley Cole: "Paris Saint-Germain will attempt to see off competition from both Manchester clubs and Real Madrid by offering...

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Le Fabuleux Destin d'Clément Chantôme

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Marseille 2-2 PSG, or Gignac 2-2 Zlatan

There's something very wrong about mentioning Andre-Pierre Gignac in the same breath as Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Zlatan Ibrahimovic; It's akin to compiling a list of the world's greatest rockbands and naming S Club Seven alongside The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and The Clash. But S Club, I mean Gignac, joined the much-vaunted trio by netting twice last night as Paris Saint-Germain fought out at 2-2 draw with Marseille at the Stade Velodrome. It was a particularly unimpressive display from PSG, which brought to mind our lifeless, sleep-walking performance in this fixture last season, which saw OM triumph 3-0. What's changed? Well quite simply we have better players; Zlatan produced two moments of absolute quality to put us in front against the run of play, and at the back Thiago...

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OM vs PSG: Some reading material ahead of Le Classique

Olympique de Marseille versus Paris Saint-Germain is always a big match, but with the sides sitting first and second in the Ligue 1 table respectively, tonight's encounter is larger than Nicola Zigic standing on Peter Crouch's shoulders. Plenty has already been written about tonight's match, so instead of adding more verbage to the mix, here's a selection of the best Classique interviews and previews the interweb has to offer. For live updates on the game tonight, don't forget to follow PSG Tourist on Twitter. [View the story "Marseille vs Paris Saint-Germain previews" on Stori...

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Porto 1-0 PSG: Varela and Co. derail the PSG express

When it comes to European away matches, Paris Saint-Germain are about as reliable as the bidding process for the West Coast mainline rail franchise. Last night's 1-0 defeat in Portugal certainly derailed any thoughts that we'll just steam through the group as winners, and it will be up to the team to get back on track in their next match, away to Zagreb on October 24. Choo choo. If ever a scoreline didn't tell the whole story, it was the outcome of the match at the Estadio do Dragao. PSG were battered from start to finish, and only survived 82 minutes without conceding a goal thanks to a combination of brilliant goalkeeping from Salvatore Sirigu and poor finishing of Emile Heskey proportions from the hosts. Carlo made several changes again,...

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PSG 2-0 Sochaux: Gameiro goals scupper Sochaux

"Perhaps some of the players were already thinking about the next games," remarked Carlo Ancelotti in the aftermath of Paris Saint-Germain's 2-0 win over Sochaux yesterday. It certainly appeared that way every time the camera cut to the bench. Mssrs Nene, Armand, and Sakho were sitting there, ashen-faced, looking like couldn't be more bored. Perhaps they should take a leaf out of Mario Balotelli's book and take their iPads with them next time. Kevin Gameiro spends most of his time on the sidelines these days, but grabbed a rare first team chance with both hands, scoring twice to give PSG another routine victory, their fifth win in a row. Carletto's men weren't particularly impressive in seeing off struggling Sochaux, who fashioned...

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