Friday, 28 December 2012

The Rumour Mill: Everton left-back and Newcastle striker arriving in PSG's dictionary corner?

Another week, another daft story about Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

Having already been nominated for a prestigious literary award earlier this season, Ibra has now been immortalised in the Swedish dictionary, with the addition of the verb "zlataner", meaning to do something with force, or dominate. What next for Zlatan? At this rate I reckon he could become the first footballer to be shot into space. Or perhaps the Swedish government will build a giant monument to him at the mouth of Stockholm harbour, like the Statue of Liberty but with a bigger nose.

I'd like to see a few of PSG's out-of-favour players added to the dictionary. A "Siaka Tiene" would be an object/person with no discernible talent or use (e.g. Harry Styles is completely Tiene). If reports are to be believed, then Siaka could be on his way this January, with Toulouse reportedly leading the chase for his signature, ahead of Besiktas and some English clubs. Don't all rush at once.

To "Momo Sissoko" would be to act recklessly (e.g. My driving was Sissoko when I sped down the motorway at 150mph). Having rarely featured this season, partly due to injury, the Mali international may opt to join AC Milan or Spartak Moscow in January. "Sissoko wants to spend more time on the pitch," noted the player's agent Jose Segou. Trying to go more than five minutes without a red card would probably be a good start in that respect.

"Diego Lugano" would refer to something that still looks pretty good, even though it's clearly past it's best (e.g. Jennifer Aniston is Lugano these days). With his agent having dusted off the video tape of his pre-2010 performances and mailed it out to a load of clubs, Dishy Diego is apparently dans le viseur of a diverse range of teams, including Malaga and QPR. I won't tell them if you don't.

Finally, a "Guillaume Hoarau" would refer to an object that is chronically underused (e.g. my gym membership is Hoarau). With just six months left on his contract, Big Willy apparently fancies a move, and could become the new Niall Quinn after being linked with a move to Sunderland.

On the incoming side, RMC take the award for the most left-field rumour with their story that we might try and poach Everton left-back Leighton Baines. This is also being reported "exclusively" by The Sun, who suggest it would take £15million to prise the England international from David Moyes' cold, dead, hands.

Demba Ba has also definitely not been talking up a move to PSG.

"I watch PSG as a fan, a supporter. I have never hidden my attraction to the club and have been a supporter since I was little," he said.

"Now, they are doing important things, big projects for the future, and of course it would please me to play in the colours of a team I support."

Can you feel the but coming? Here it is:

"But as I said about Arsenal, it's something which is a long way off. For the moment, I am concentrating on what I have to do with my team - getting Newcastle out of the mess we are in."

Seems unlikely we'd be in the market for a striker, but you never know I suppose.


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